just living in big Rhonda's world...

just didn't know...

2012-01-02T15:45:00.000-05:00

if i knew
i would have stayed
i had to go
i hugged you
i'll see you tomorrow
see ya
i love you pop
i love you too mooch
if i knew
i would have stayed
i didn't know
those were the last words you would speak to me
that was the last time i would feel the warmth and safety of your amrs
if i knew
i would have stayed
but i didn't know

just tolkien...

2011-12-20T16:57:00.000-05:00

i have no idea but this just popped into my head...

I sit beside the fire and think...

by J. R. R. Tolkien

I sit beside the fire and think
of all that I have seen,
of meadow-flowers and butterflies
In summers that have been;

Of yellow leaves and gossamer
in autumns that there were,
with morning mist and silver sun
and wind upon my hair.

I sit beside the fire and think
of how the world will be
when winter comes without a spring
that I shall ever see.

For still there are so many things
that I have never seen:
in every wood in every spring
there is a different green.

I sit beside the fire and think
of people long ago,
and people who will see a world
that I shall never know.

But all the while I sit and think
of times there were before,
I listen for returning feet
and voices at the door.

just wordless wednesday - thankful edition...

2011-11-23T09:32:00.001-05:00

just home...

2011-11-07T16:41:00.000-05:00

just a roller coaster...

2011-10-23T21:12:00.000-04:00

today was a day filled with lots of wonderful things...

bloody mary's at the pub...

a day at the orchard...

presents from the gift whisperer...

amazing friends that make my stomach hurt from laughing so much... corn and penis jokes... music of mother jane...

but then everyone leaves and i think about how much i miss this smile...

and how this smile is a million miles away...

and this smile is a million miles away too...

and how this smile is leaving tomorrow...

and how this wonderful, amazing, kick ass woman is sick...

but then i get a text that says "you got good friends... family... me to carry you"...

and i think about walking into this empty house that's not empty at all...

i have this face...

and this face...

and i can still hear the laughter and feel the love that has always and will always fill this house...

and i am home...

just watermelon...

2011-10-15T15:49:00.000-04:00

people come and go... some stay for only a short time... some longer... some never leave... some leave and come back... this is a story all about how (how many of you have the fresh prince of bel-air song in your head right now?) watermelon was in my life 10 years ago and has now resurfaced as heather... we lived at applebee's... kinda like we live at the pub now... i'm sensing a pattern... anyway - watermelon was one of our favorite servers... she was our friend inside and outside of applebee's... we loved our watermelon... and we kind of knew that her real name was heather... kind of... this was before smart phones and facebook and all that other crap... so however it happened - we stopped going to applebee's and watermelon stopped working there... we lost touch with everyone that worked there... i thought about trying to find her but how do you find someone named watermelon or heather when that's all you have to go on??? so imagine my surprise when, out on a friday night at the fest of ales, i get a friend request from heather kimberling... staring at the tiny little profile pic on my phone thinking - heather kimberling... why do i know that name??? is that??? no... i'm sure it's not... but it kinda looks like... then i see the message attached... OH MY GAW watermelon!!!!! holy crap it's watermelon... yes... Yes... YES i will be your friend... look at her page - she's at the fest of ales... WHAT??? i'm here... don't move... i'll find you... i was so excited i almost felt like the beggin strips dog... a lot of things have changed over the past 10(ish) years... her smile and laugh are exactly the same... we both have changed and grown (i think)... but we have remained true to who we are at our core... heather has experienced the loss of her brother and father... i have lost both of my parents... i find great comfort in talking to someone who is not experiencing the exact same loss as i am but who knows exactly how i feel... i have a tendency to wallow in my own self pity... let life get me down and keep me down... heather will have none of it... that honky calls me on everything... and yes watermelon - i just called you a honky... no self pity when she's around... pretty much what i'm trying to say, in my own long winded way is

heather - thanks for coming back into my life... it's friends like you that make my heart happy and i love you oh so much...

for you and your sisters...

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- e. e. cummings ~

just found...

2011-09-05T14:49:00.000-04:00

found in between some placemats while going through mom and dad's stuff...

your mother is always with you... she's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street... she's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks... she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well... your mother lives inside your laughter... she's crystallized in every tear drop... she's the place you came from... she's your first home... she's the map you follow with every step you take... she's your first love... she's your first heartbreak... nothing on earth can separate you... not time... not space... not even death...

just sometimes...

2011-09-02T13:07:00.000-04:00

when i'm alone, all i want is to be surrounded by people...

when i'm surrounded by people, all i want is to be alone...

sometimes hearing a song, not any one in particular, can make me fall apart...

sometimes just a look or a pat on the back from a friend can throw me into a tailspin...

sometimes, when my stapler gets jammed, i throw it on the floor as hard as i can...

sometimes i say "every day's a school day" and smile at the thought of dad...

sometimes i tell the story of the hospital bringing in a little puerto rican baby instead of me and smile at the thought of mom...

sometimes i smile through my tears when i think about how lucky i was to have such amazing parents... how every part of me is because of both of them... although i'm sure each is taking credit for the good and blaming the other for the bad...

sometimes i fall to the floor in the living room and cry and cry and cry and cry because i can't believe that they are both gone...

but most of the time i fake my way through another day without either of them...

just big papa again...

2011-08-04T17:42:00.002-04:00

on monday they figured out that it was fungal pneumonia and starting treating him for that...
they have bumped his oxygen intake up from 4 to 10...
his oxygen level dropped into the 50s last night...
they put him on the bi-pap for a while to get him leveled out...
they are giving him morphine to keep him calm and help his breathing because he get's freaked out when he can't breathe...
chest x-rays show no improvement...
they gave him a breathing treatment this afternoon when i was there and his oxygen level was in the mid 90s throughout and for about 20 minutes after that...
then his oxygen dropped to low 70s...
bumped his oxygen intake up from 10 to 15 and put a mask on him instead of just the nose tubes...

that's where we stand right now...

just nine...

2011-07-31T20:56:00.002-04:00

it has been almost nine years...

i can't remember your laugh
i used to have it in my head
i could recall it whenever i needed to
but now
now it's gone

i can't remember your voice
i used to have it in my head
i could recall it whenever i needed to
but now
now it's gone

i can't remember your touch
i used to have it in my head
i could recall it whenever i needed to
but now
now it's gone

i am losing you all over again
you are fading away...

just big papa...

2011-07-30T12:42:00.004-04:00

so here's the latest on dad...

on thursday they went into his lungs and pulled out some of the 'gunk' so they could test it and see what they are up against... he's been in the icu as a precaution since then... it'll take probably about 72 hours to get the results back... that puts the results coming in on sunday and we don't really think that's gonna happen... so hopefully on monday they'll be able to be more accurate with how they treat him...

he's coughing up a lot of nastiness... he's on oxygen but get's winded very easily... sometimes it's even hard for him to talk... so we're kind of in a holding pattern until they get the test results back...

i'll continue to do my best to keep everybody updated... thanks for all the positive energy coming dad's way...

if you feel like sending a card or email for dad, here's my info

136 ridgecrest road
lancaster, ky 40444

jbreier@statebeautysupplylex.com

i'll make sure he gets it...

much love

just superman...

2011-07-13T08:18:00.002-04:00

sorry if i haven't personally contacted you about this, but here's what's going on...

after dad's chemo yesterday (tuesday) he collapsed in the parking lot of the cancer center... they called 911 and got him to the hospital... while in the er they had to put him on a ventilator... his heart had NOT stopped... he was STILL breathing... but it was to the dangerous point and they did what they had to do... they did an x-ray on his head (because they weren't sure if he had hit his head when he passed out) and found everything was ok... that hard breier head is good for something... they did a cat scan to check his lungs... he has pneumonia... they also checked to be sure that a blood clot hadn't gotten loose and gone to his lungs... there was no clot... he has been icu and on a ventilator since last night... spoke to the drs this morning and he is getting a cardiologist involved... there is some sort of enzyme that is elevated when there is a heart related event that was high this morning... it was ok last night but just a smidge high this morning... once we get all the pieces put together we can get him off this damn ventilator... he wakes up every once in a while (usually when a nurse is poking at him) and he kinda seems to get what is going on... although he's still pretty out of it... so that's what's up... asking for good thoughts, prayers (if ya got em) and hell - i'll take a snake handler with a couple of dead chickens if it'll help... i'll keep ya updated as often as i can...

and please, while sending all this positive energy dad's way, please divert some of that for my friend megan (and the entire ohnheiser) clan who lost her father this past saturday...

much love

just maddie...

2011-05-31T10:47:00.001-04:00

happy 3rd birthday to my sweet, sweet puppy...
madeline
maddie mae
shit-brain
puppy
nubbins
devil dog
moose
maddimus

she has grown from this...

a little baby that you could cover completely with a washcloth...

to this...

50 pounds of lovins...

she's scared of new shoes, new tires and my 90 year old grandfather... will go crazy jumping out of her skin if a rabbit even thinks about entering her yard but leaves the two frogs alone that live in our back yard... she's scared of her own shadow and won't go into the laundry room if we have put a laundry basket in (what she thinks is) an odd position... but i'd like to think that if somebody ever tried to hurt me, ames (her favorite mama), or her big brother pete...

she would tear them apart...

happy birthday sweet madeline... you are 21 in dog years today so live it up!!!

2011-05-30T18:38:00.013-04:00

my trip to the cemetery by little jesse breier…

so of course i went to see loyd today…

i sat with him for just a little bit… i was seconds away from bursting into flames so i decided to find some shade somewhere… i wandered around for a little while until i ended up at the very back of the cemetery sitting under a tree enjoying the shade and peace and quiet…

remember this one from november???

well here she is now… after what seemed like 27 months of rain…

and then i shit my pants…

i think i interrupted a baby snake making session... as soon as one of them picked up their head, stuck out their tongue and said "i'm going to eat your face" i decided it was time to say thanks to everybody there and go home...

just money

2011-05-12T08:11:00.000-04:00

can you believe that my email marked this as spam???

From: Malik Hakim Esq, [info@hulasite.com]
To: recipient list not shown:
Subject: [SPAM] Re: KINDLY REPLY TO

MALIK & ASSOCIATES
TEL: +60 17 2950997
I am Malik Hakim Esq, a Malaysian lawyer. A deceased client of mine, that shares same last name with you, died as a result of a heart-related condition on March 12th 2007. His heart condition leading to his death was due to death of all members of his family in tsunami disaster in Sumatra, Indonesia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ 2004_Indian_Ocean_earthquake.
I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over last 4 years now. You can reach me for more information as my late client left behind a deposit of $17,500,000.00 Million Dollars.
Best Regards,
Barr. Malik Hakim Esq,

I'M RICH!!!

just darlene...

2011-05-05T20:51:00.002-04:00

this popped into my head at some point today... don't know why... well, i do know why, but anyway - here it is...

to whom it concerns
darlene's work will be late
it fell on her pancakes
and stuck to her plate
to whom it concerns
my mom made me write this
and i'm just a kid
so how could i fight this
to whom it concerns
i lost my assignment
maybe i'll get lucky
solitary confinement
to whom it concerns
darlene's great with a ball
but guys don't watch tomboys
when they're cruising the hall
to whom it concerns
i just turned 13
too short to be quarterback
to plain to be queen
to whom it concerns
i am not made of steal
when i get blindsided
my pain is quite real
i don't mean to squawk
but it really burns
i just thought i'd mention it
to whom it concerns...

remember this and what it's from???

just a flag...

2011-03-21T20:37:00.003-04:00

so the past few months have been pretty stressful for me... not going to go into all the details because

a) nobody wants to hear me bitch
&
b) the whining lamp is not lit (as my dad says)

but there are things that have been weighing on my mind and things that have transpired that i wish hadn't... some people know all of these things... some people know none of these things... but like i said - that's not the point of this post... loyd is...

remember this guy ??? i first met loyd in november of 2010 and i wondered if he had any family that ever came to visit him... today on my way home from work i was searching for some inner peace and decided to stop by and have a little chat with loyd... imagine my surprise when i walked to his tombstone and saw an american flag staked in the ground in front of him... i let out a huge laugh and slapped his tombstone like he was an old drinking buddy i hadn't seen for years... i think i might have actually said out loud "look at you, you little fucker"... at that point i looked around and was thrilled that i was the only person around... i cried i was so happy that somebody had left a flag there for him... i sat down in front of him and told him everything that was going on and felt a great release... it was then that i noticed the ground next to the flag... there was a brown spot the shape of the rock that i had left sitting there and green grass growing up all around it... that rock had been sitting there for quite some time... now i wonder if whoever left the flag removed the rock and what kind of shape the note to loyd was in...

thanks loyd... not only for serving our country but for listening to me... i can assure you i will sleep better knowing that somebody out there besides me thinks of you...

just true love...

2011-02-23T11:04:00.001-05:00

just snow...

2011-01-26T18:43:00.004-05:00

snow is pretty...
for a little while anyway...

until someone walks through it...

human or dog...

or someone drives through it...

or something

pees on it... i won't make you look at that picture...

at first - it's shiny and sparkly and beautiful... and then it's dirty and slushy and gross...

i am over all the snow...

well - except for this part...

just loyd a. house...

2010-11-10T18:29:00.008-05:00

so i drive past camp nelson nation cemetery twice a day... and i have for years now... the other day on the way home i decided that for this veteran's day i would meet and thank a new vet... not just my cousin matt who is currently serving in the army... not just my dad who served 25 years in the coast guard... not just my gramps who earned a purple heart during wwii... not just a facebook post that says 'have you kissed a vet today?'... although i will do all of those things... but meet someone new and thank them... so i went today and met loyd a house...

i parked my truck and wandered about until i ended up in front of loyd... i know nothing about this young man except what is on his headstone... which, by the way, is not a smooth marble as it may look... it's actually very coarse... i sat there for a long while in the silence and stared at loyd's final resting place wondering if he was married, had any children, where he served and how he died... i wondered if he had any family that still came to visit him... i wrote him a thank you note and was on my way...but not before i snapped a few more pics... i have to admit that i have never visited a cemetery before... but i plan on going back and meeting more vets... it was a beautiful and peaceful experience and one that i recommend to everyone...

just emergencies...

2010-10-13T20:07:00.003-04:00

we are taught from an early age how to deal with emergencies...
- tell the nearest adult
- call 911
- duck and cover

and as an adult we are taught how to deal with 'adult' emergencies...
- first aid kits
- flashlights
- radio

me - well i have my own emergency kit...

for whatever reason, gramps bought a six pack of rhinelander a while ago... i think because it was cheap... well he didn't like it... so of course, he gave it to me...

"big Rhonda's home for wayward beers"

i drank 3 of them one night after i already had a few other beers... not too bad... but then - i tried one as my first beer of the night... let's just say that it tasted like the zoo... it is ass nasty... so there is one rhinelander in my fridge right now... because "big Rhonda's home for wayward beers" is a no kill shelter... it has made a home on every shelf in my fridge... it is my emergency beer... there just in case i need it... luckily i haven't had to sink that low yet... but at least i know it's buried back there somewhere...

just wordless wednesday...

2010-10-06T13:37:00.004-04:00

just wordless wednesday...

2010-09-29T14:31:00.001-04:00

just 289...

2010-09-28T19:28:00.006-04:00

so there's this place we hang out... maybe you've heard of it... the pub... you can have your own mug... it's $25 and here's what you get - half priced wings (for life), free dinner on your birthday (for life), special mugclub outings for ONLY mugclub members & most importantly - your very own mug... it is YOUR mug... you can decorate it any way you like... you can put ribbons on the handle (like mine)... you can put butterfly stickers on it (like aunt sue's)... it is YOUR mug...
well, last week, we lost one of our own... it happens... you hear about it all the time... you just don't think it will happen to someone you know...289 went down in a blaze of glory... he was dropped by one of the bartenders at the pub... it was ruled an accident by the police and no charges have been filed...

tonight, we gathered to memorialize 289 and all he has done for our friend LAC... he was a good mug and always there for LAC when she needed him... the world has lost a great mug...we'll miss you 289... hope you are enjoying mugclub heaven...

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
(I will be drunk),
At home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The bitter and The lager.
Forever and ever,

Barmen

just wordless wednesday...

2010-09-22T14:46:00.001-04:00

just wordless wednesday...

2010-09-15T10:33:00.001-04:00

just music...

2010-09-14T21:03:00.002-04:00

part one:

i listen to npr... all. the. time. on the way to work... at work... on the way home from work... on weekends while cleaning the kitchen... all. the. time.

so when i switched it over to 92.1 on the way home it was a weird moment to say the least...

part two:

at some point in my 3 months in college i happened upon a book that i may or may not have stolen from the morehead state library... it was a book of poems... but not JUST poems... poems that were songs... i stumbled upon one that happened to catch my fancy... years later i realized that it was actually a song by blood sweat and tears...

I'm not scared of dying,
And I don't really care.
If it's peace you find in dying,
Well then let the time be near.
If it's peace you find in dying,
And if dying time is near,
Just bundle up my coffin
'Cause it's cold way down there.
I hear that its cold way down there.
Yeah, crazy cold way down there.

And when I die, and when I'm gone,
There'll be one child born
In this world to carry on,
to carry on.

Now troubles are many, they're as deep as a well.
I can swear there ain't no heaven but I pray there ain't no hell.
Swear there ain't no heaven and I pray there ain't no hell,
But I'll never know by living, only my dying will tell.
Yes only my dying will tell.
Yeah, only my dying will tell.

Give me my freedom for as long as I be.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me,
And all I ask of dying is to go naturally.
Oh I want to go naturally.

Here I go, hah!
Hey Hey!
Here comes the devil,
Right Behind.
Look out children,
Here he comes!
Here he comes! Hey...

Don't want to go by the devil.
Don't want to go by demon.
Don't want to go by Satan,
Don't want to die uneasy.
Just let me go naturally.

and when I die,
When I'm dead, dead and gone,
There'll be one child born in our world to carry on,
To carry on.
Yeah, yeah...

i have loved it ever since the first day i read it... i have said SO many times that i want it to be played at my funeral... imagine how happy i was when it was the first song i heard on 92.1 on my way home tonight...

just days...

2010-09-09T20:30:00.002-04:00

jen said - 'you should put more of what you write on big Rhonda's world...' then i made her read this... she said 'i hate you'... so...

i miss you everyday... some days more than others... but everyday - i miss you...

12/11 - your birthday... when christmas 'officially' begins... we still do the tree and decorate your house... we try to do it on your birthday but sometimes we have to do it another day... dad still sits in his chair and gives us the ornaments to put up... johnny and i still fight over who gets to put up which one... johnny still bitches about losing all of the ornaments he had made while mine survived... of course, because i'm the favorite... we have new ornaments that we have made over the past few years... dad doesn't let johnny put up some that he made, you can imagine why... every few minutes taking a pause to tell a story, reflect on the past, sigh, sometimes we cry, then fight over whose turn it is to do the lights... on 12/11 i am sad for my family...

8/3 - the day you died... it was actually the morning... not long after midnight... i remember everything about that moment... the phone call... the rush to the hospital... i even remember the shorts i was wearing... i had to hold the pockets while i was running through the halls to get to you... they were the blue plaid shorts that i wore to gram & gramps' 50th anniversary party... i remember touching your hand and arm... the one that we couldn't touch when you were still alive because, even in your morphine coma, it hurt you too much... most of my friends now will never know you... i talk about you all the time but they will never hear your laugh or see your smile... they will only know that i hurt because you are my mom, not that i hurt because you are amazing... on 8/3 i am sad for my friends...

9/19 - my birthday... the day i miss you the most... on 9/19 i am sad for me...

just stumbling...

2010-05-14T19:39:00.000-04:00

so i stumbled across this today and i HAD to share...

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

October 2002

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

just iron chef...

2010-03-26T19:59:00.010-04:00

a special message for any and all vegans and vegetarians...

i know that this post will disgust you, and for that i apologize... but - i don't care how you vote... i don't care who you fall in love with... i don't care what kind of car you do or don't drive... and i don't care what you eat... you do what you gotta do and i'll do what i gotta do... much love...

so what do you do on a friday night when you are poor and hungry??? have some meatloaf iron chef style...

MEATLOAF!!!

amy and i were starving tonight and couldn't fathom the thought of waiting for a 1.75lb meatloaf to cook... so we decided to split it up and have a meatloaf cook-off... everybody knows that amy can cook... and i mean COOOOOK... but meatloaf has always been my specialty... we knew the judges(me and ames) would be tough but we were both up for the challenge...

i have to admit i was a little scared... i mean, come on, it's ames...look how cute it is in it's new chef outfit...

so mine was a mexican inspired loaf with salsa and chili powder...

amy's was a southern style bbq inspired loaf with garlic and brown sugar...
and of course, meatloaf's best friend - mac-n-cheese...
as much as i would like to say 'i won', i didn't... but neither did ames... her meatloaf had a better texture, but mine had a better flavor profile... i guess we both won, because this was a kick-ass dinner...

just mall security...

2010-03-03T11:51:00.003-05:00

i think it speaks for itself...

shout out to bob and family...

thanks to all who helped in the writing of this... ames & jen for their wonderful wisdom and input... kari for writing it out so we could keep our hands free to drink more beer...

just "eryca said what?"...(a series)

2010-02-19T22:57:00.005-05:00

this is eryca...

she's the drunk one... oh sorry - the drunk one in the middle... she's wildly inappropriate and hilariously funny all at the same time... so i've decided that i will try to keep up with some of the funny shit she says and post it here on a weekly basis...

i submit for you - the first "eryca said what?"

'if we would have known that you were going to be this stupid, we would have just smothered you at birth.'

god only knows what we were talking about at the time, but i believe that she put into words what we have all thought at least one point in our life...

just lust....

2010-02-16T20:19:00.003-05:00

it's been 47 hours since i last touched my lips to you...

it's been 47 hours since i last held you in my hands...

it's been 47 hours since i breathed you in and you became part of me...

it's been 47 hours and i still reach for you...

it's been 47 hours and i can still smell you every where i turn...

it's been 47 hours and you still find a way to creep into my mind...

it's been 47 hours since my last cigarette...

what did you think i was talking about???

just football...

2010-01-24T18:22:00.002-05:00

so i say 'go jets'
amy says 'go colts'
johnny says 'go breakfast at tiffany's...it's on today at 4'

i guess we all have something to look forward to on sunday afternoons...

just dad...

2010-01-12T20:59:00.002-05:00

john, jay, dad, grampa (only by the dogs, but it still counts), big papa, pops, senior, chief...these are just a few of the names that john nicholas breier will respond to...right now i prefer to call him Superman...because my dad is fucking awesome!!!

dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer a week before christmas...(damnit!!!)so with that in mind johnny and i went christmas shopping for dad...we found a pair of 'tighty whiteys' with the Superman logo on them...unfortunately they only had huge fat man and little boy sizes...but we knew then what we were looking for...we were able to find him a Superman t-shirt and LAC gave him a Superman pin to wear to the first doctor appointment...that way the cancer would know that he was gonna kick the shit out of it...

for those of you who don't know my dad, let me give you a brief description of him...imagine me - but with more hair and a slightly higher sperm count...i have been daddy's little girl since the beginning...i was such a tomboy growing up (i know it's hard to imagine) and i hurt myself A LOT...but i didn't run to mom, i ran to my daddy...and he somehow always made it feel better...in junior and senior high school he NEVER missed any of my basketball games...at age 19, when i came out to him and mom, he said 'sweet, now we can go to the titty bars together'...when amy and i had only been married for a month and it came time to make a decision about mom's medical care - my brother, my dad and myself sequestored ourselves away from the rest of the family...dad looked at me and my brother and said 'where's amy???she's a part of this family and has a say about this too'...we have spent countless hours together at the pub talking about nothing and everything all at the same time...pretty much the best way to describe my dad is 'fucking awesome' (as i've said before)

in the past few weeks i've found myself using words i hoped i would never have to use in my life...words like chemotherapy, radiologist and feeding tube...but these are the facts of life (and not the good kind with joe and tootie)...this is what my dad and my family are up against...but i KNOW how strong my dad is...and i KNOW the power of positive thought...and although i don't believe in prayer and religion - i'll take whatever we can get at this point...when dad told me he had cancer, as my hands were shaking so bad i couldn't even write, he told me 'i'll fight this like a mother fucker'...ummm duh...

some men become fathers by mistake...some fathers don't ever become men...my dad is a father and a great man because he WANTS to be...for better or worse, he is the reason i am who i am today and i couldn't imagine it any other way...

dad - i love you...i know you'll beat this...not because you have to, but because you want to...

just amy...

2009-12-23T22:36:00.002-05:00

ames, mama, mama 2, michelle, baby, chef, lesbin (not a typo), keebler, bitch-hole (from my brother)...these are just a few of the names that amy michelle harris will respond to...this year has brought big changes to my relationship with amy...all for the better, i might add...but the one thing that has not changed (and never will) is how much i rely on her...

my family is going through some issues right now that i won't go into here...some issues that have kicked me in the gut and dropped me to my knees...and while most people are telling me not to cry and be strong, amy is the one who is holding me while i cry and picking me up when i fall...she silently reaches her hand out to mine and lets me breakdown...i don't know if it's because she doesn't know what to say and do or if it's because she knows better than to tell me how to feel...either way i don't care...

i didn't see the changes coming and i was totally not prepared for any of them...many of these changes involved my relationship with amy...but through it all, amy has been the one who keeps me going...i'm not quite sure how i would have survived this past week without her...

so - ames, mama, chef - i love you and thank you for being such a huge part of my life...i know it's different from what we thought it would be, but i love you very much and could not imagine my life without you...

go on with your honky ass!!!

just francis...

2009-11-04T19:19:00.007-05:00

a few months ago my brother heard about a stray dog that had appeared at somebody's house...this poor little guy (who they called 'stranger') was pretty bad off...he had mange and scabs and sores all over his poor little body...he didn't look good...we drove out to bfe to meet him and just the sight of him made me want to cry...

but the best thing about him was that he didn't care that he smelled bad and was pretty nasty looking...he was just happy to be alive...so my brother took him home that day...he bathed him every other day with special 'mange shampoo' and nursed him back to health...now he's a happy, healthy, horny little boy...

he still had his 'manhood' when johnny got him...and every time johnny had an appointment to snip him, something came up that required the money he had set aside...finally tuesday was the day...so while i sit at the pub drinking my tuesday beers i get this text -

"This bitch was all nice and shit then she gave me a roofie and cut off my balls! - francis"

a still want to know how he used the phone without thumbs...

just my sissy...

2009-07-13T21:35:00.003-04:00

for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting my brother - you don't know what you are missing...he is one of the funniest people i have ever met...he also has the same fucked up sense of humor as i do, so he doesn't judge my jacked up remarks about dead people, or old people, or religion, or any of the many things i make fun of...so with that being said i offer you this little bit of his mind...

From:
John Breier [john.breier@gmail.com]
Sent: 7/12/2009 7:45:31 PM
To: Jessica Breier; Amy Harris:
Subject: Dinner

Don't put jalapeno in your hamburger helper, it will make you shart..............

just an open letter...

2009-06-29T20:25:00.004-04:00

i will always remember the first night we met...
i will always remember every night we spent together at mia's listening to mother jane...
i will always remember the dinners at charlie browns...
i will always remember helping you create and manage your very first website...
i will always remember dragging you to hockey games with my family...
i will always remember you dropping paint on my mom's hallway carpet...
i will always remember the hard boiled egg you shoved in my face...
i will always remember coming home to you making a big pot of chili in a house you didn't even live in...
i will always remember falling in love with you and not being able to admit it to anyone, not even myself...
i will always remember the drive back from buddha belly when i finally admitted i was falling in love with you...
i will always remember laying in bed, with my heart pounding so hard you thought i was having a heart attack and asking you to marry me...
i will always remember where we were exactly 7 years ago today...
i will always remember the week we spent in the cabin in michigan, just you and i...
i will always remember needing you so much when my mom died that i could feel it all the way down to my toes...
i will always remember how i needed you when my grandmother died a year later...
i will always remember how i needed you another year later when my cousin died...
i will always remember how i needed you when we found out my father had prostate cancer...
i will always remember the night i realized that we shouldn't be in a relationship anymore...
i will always remember how it felt like mike tyson had punched me in the stomach when we both said it out loud...

the one thing that i don't have to remember is my love for you...you don't remember love...it just is...my love for you is not something that i have to remember...it just is...it has come into my life and it will never go away...as difficult as this is for both of us, we will get through it...with love...for and from each other...for and from our family...for and from our friends...

just a thursday night...

2009-06-11T21:34:00.004-04:00

and then amy and i danced naked in the rain...

just a conversation...

2009-06-09T08:11:00.002-04:00

an actual im conversation with my wife this morning at work...word for word...

Jessica says:
so how much money do you think all of our stuff is worth? sell it and take off with the babies whaddya think?
Amy says:
i don't think it's worth enough to pay everybody off and get very far... unless you turn to prostitution
Jessica says:
well that won't get us ANY money
Amy says:
might get us some hot dogs though
Jessica says:
and who said anything about paying everybody off?
Amy says:
if i've learned anything, it is that no matter how far you think you've run, they always catch up...
Jessica says:
i meant take off and not look back find some woods and build us a cabin
Amy says:
i have to poop

just exhibits a and b...

2009-06-05T20:59:00.005-04:00

the following is an actual excerpt from a nina totenberg interview on npr...

prosecutor: what county do you currently reside in?
witness: northern garrard county
prosecutor: isn't it true that it sucks to live so far out and away from lexington?
witness: can i enter into evidence exhibits a and b?

exhibit a: the view from our front porch...
exhibit b: the view from our backyard

so it didn't really happen like that, but people ask me all the time about living so far out and away from lexington...i think i might keep these pictures on me so that i can just whip them out whenever anybody asks me...

just half my life...

2009-05-30T19:48:00.004-04:00

so i have smoked for more than half my life...wow - when you put it on paper like that, it really hits you...there are a gazillion reasons for me to quit...way too many to write out here...so, i have quit smoking...actually, i am in the process of quiting...i am in hour 94 right now...amy has quit as well...she is in hour 27...there are no more cigarettes in the house...all the ash trays have been dumped and cleaned...so to keep myself busy and to fill all the extra time i have on my hands (you really don't realize how much time smoking takes up) this is what i have been up to in the past 4 days...

just baked some cookies...
cleaned the bathroom...
i mean CLEANED the bathroom...
washed the 3 sets of blinds in our living room - slat by slat...
read a 300 page book in 58 hours...those 58 hours include 24 hours at work...
went to the dog park...
cleaned and rearranged our bedroom...
cleaned the kitchen every chance i got...
took a nap today...

not smoking is why i am not at poker night tonight...i am feeling pretty good about my situation right now and where i am in this process...i don't want to do anything to sabotage myself...which is why i am home alone drinking beer...no cigarettes in the house...live too far away to go get any...

well it's not the only reason i'm not at poker night...i don't play poker...so i know that megan would see me coming from a mile away and take all my money...

kick her ass baby - we gotta pay that mortgage!!!

just last night...

2009-05-20T16:48:00.007-04:00

before i get this one started, i have favor to ask of you...when that john wall kid gets to lexington, will somebody please pull him aside and teach him how to say 'school'? thanks...

while jeff was working on our air conditioner...

maddie stuck right by amy's side because, well, there was a weird guy IN our air conditioner...

pete did what he does best...contemplated life while being adorable...

notice the little sock on his foot? he cut the pad of his foot last weekend and has to wear a sock to keep it clean...if the little bastard would stop taking it off and running around the yard it would probably heal a lot quicker...but apparently he disagrees with mommy's logic...

and i found this picture when i was looking for something else...come on...how cute is that???

the giraffe looking dog is my brother's dog alex...

just a day at the park...

2009-05-16T15:37:00.011-04:00

with mama in ashland doing inventory and peter with a big cut on his foot, maddie and i decided to go to the dog park...pete hasn't been able to play much this week because of his foot...and poor maddie had so much pent up energy that i thought she would explode...so we were off...i planned on bringing my camera, but of course forgot it...so i have this dramatic reenactment to share with you-

the following is brought to you without commercial interruption by miller lite...

here is maddie enjoying the beautiful weather before it started raining...

here is maddie standing on the table at the park...for whatever reason she jumps right up on this table...

once the park was safe from the birds...

it was time to go home...

she had behaved so well and protected me from the deadly birds, i let her drive...

just something my dad always said...

2009-05-08T17:28:00.002-04:00

done it was
and done it be
wise is he who done it
let he who done it
do it no more
and let nobody know what is it

just leave it alone...

2009-05-05T17:40:00.003-04:00

so i saw this in the store the other day...

Bud Extra

Introduced:
2005

Beer Category/Style:
High End – Specialty fruit-flavored beer.

Taste Profile:
A complex, yet well-balanced taste with notes of blackberry, raspberry and cherry. Unique flavor offers a slightly sweet and tart taste.

Ingredients/Brewing:
Brewed with barley, malt, hops, water and select cereal grains, fermented with Anheuser-Busch’s proprietary yeast strain and slowly matured at cold temperatures. When fully mature, it is then infused with a natural flavor.

just drink a wine cooler and leave beer alone...

just my list...

2009-04-27T16:33:00.006-04:00

things that suck...

the air conditioning in my house not working
forgetting to take the second garbage can to the street for the third straight week
checking the 'remember me' box on websites, and it not happening
bea arthur is still dead
people who drive on 27 south from new circle road to 152 in lancaster between 3:30 and 4:30
maddie doing this right before she knocks me down to attack me with kisses

things that don't suck...

having air conditioning at work
amy taking out the first garbage can this morning, so we at least have one empty one
cold miller lite in the fridge when i get home
the hopes of a 'golden girls' marathon on lifetime in honor of bea arthur
not having swine flu
the babies when i get home

so after careful consideration - my day didn't suck...i mean look at those faces...

just maude...

2009-04-26T10:04:00.002-04:00

bea arthur died yesterday and that makes me sad...

just pete sassin his mama...

2009-04-20T17:09:00.003-04:00

when we picked pete up from the shelter they told us that he was a very vocal young man...they were right...

i present to you -

'the amazing sassafrassing peter pollenmerry breier harris'...

just family fun day...

2009-04-19T17:12:00.009-04:00

usually family fun day includes myself, ames and my brother johnny and some sort of marathon shopping day...well yesterday was a little different...ames had to work so my dad stepped into her place...and there was no shopping...we went to the uk singletary center for the arts museum for the 'excavating egypt' display...my brother really gets into this stuff and i couldn't tell you the last time i went to a museum on purpose, so why not...normally any time my brother and i get together and go out into public, we try to get into some sort of trouble...and with my dad with us, it was like we were kids again...ahh the look that says 'i'm gonna kick your ass when we get out to the parking lot'...i know it so well...

started out with a kick ass breakfast at bill's diner...

my brother's truck has an i-pod adapter so we went from madonna (of course) to the smith's to the wonder woman theme song...when wonder woman came on i'm sure dad was re-thinking his decision to go out into public with his children...we made fun of the cash for gold commercials and wondered where hookers go to die since the 'princess motel' hasn't been around for a while...

once at the museum, johnny and i immediately made a new friend...

i thought my dad was old, but this guy is 5,000 years old...

this is a jackal statue removed from a tomb...

this is my brother's dog alex...

don't know what it says but it's the first time i had ever seen hieroglyphics in real life so i figured it was picture worthy...

after looking long and hard johnny finally found it...

amy's prom dress...

just alot of stuff...

2009-04-18T16:12:00.012-04:00

forgive me father for i have sinned...it has been, well let's see...(31-24+18/pi)+...how about we go with a long time since i last blogged...alot has been going on around here...we painted the bathroom and changed out alot of things...including my first adventure with electricity...i'm happy to report that i changed out light fixtures and didn't fry myself once...

this is what our walls looked like before...

that white box on the wall is an access panel where amy broke through the wall to fix the plumbing in the shower...572 degree water no longer runs out of the faucet onto our feet...plus we save about $6 a month on our water bill...doesn't seem like alot but when you add it up...cha-ching...

amy's sink...

my sink...

that's my tub baby...

and yes, that's a tv in the bathroom...

did you happen to notice the pictures on the wall...those are from outside of our very own house...we didn't plant them, but they grew on their own...but hey, we didn't kill them either...

other random things...

maddie has been watching too much hogan's heroes and has decided to tunnel her way out...

peter is gay...every morning when i brush my hair he goes crazy for me to brush his...

he absolutely loves it...

maddie does not...

i painted a little chalkboard on one of the walls in the spare room...turned my back for five minutes and look what happened...also a testament to peter's sexual preferences...

okay that's enough...went to the museum today with johnny and pops...i'll post the pictures i was able to take before i got busted tomorrow...and start with the bedroom renovations...

just painting the bathroom part deux...

2009-03-24T21:13:00.003-04:00

some more helpful hints from big Rhonda about painting your bathroom...

if you don't have a little 4 inch roller brush - get one...the big ones are awesome, but the smaller one will get you into little places that you can't get the big one...
a 4 inch roller brush makes a great microphone when neil diamond's red red wine comes on your i-tunes...
for all the perverts in the crowd - we have a stand-up shower with two shower heads...one on either end...mmmhmmm...ahem...there are also two seats on either end...i had to stand with one foot on each seat to reach above the shower wall...don't headbang when metallica comes on...

this edition of 'helpful hints from big Rhonda' brought to you by coors light...

just painting the bathroom...

2009-03-23T21:14:00.002-04:00

so we are painting the bathroom...the bathroom that is bigger than my first apartment...it's a pain in the ass...but i am here today to impart some of big Rhonda's wisdom about home improvement...i knew some of the following things...i thought i knew some of the following things, but apparently my brain decided to replace them with more important things...like 'ooh, that's a good beer, remember that'...some of them i learned tonight

always keep a rag in your back pocket...even if you think that it will mean that you are a gang member or queer...chances are - if someone is helping you paint your house they already know that you are a member of the mexican mafia or queer...
never move the ladder with the paint bucket or tray still on it...take the time to take it off and then move the ladder...unless you are planning on painting the floor the same color...
paint from top to bottom...boob imprints on the wall just don't look as good as you think they might...
if you are right handed - paint left to right...and vice versa...hand prints on the wall look just as bad as boob prints...
put your holiday music in a seperate folder in your i-tunes...there's nothing worse than jamming out to some bon jovi and then all of a sudden here comes bette midler - white christmas...buzz kill...
if you have the option to buy odorless primer - DO IT...the odorless costs about $10 more but it's worth it...i figured out that they take the odor out of the odorless and add it to the regular...awoohoo!!!
if your spouse is watching the uk game and you come out for more beer and a smoke - leave them alone...they could care less that you just painted the dog...just wait until after the game...

if you have any other questions - don't be afraid to ask...that's why i'm here kids...big Rhonda lives to serve...

this edition of 'hints from big Rhonda' has been brought to you by coors light...

just cleaning the house...

2009-03-21T11:51:00.002-04:00

every once in a while i get a wild hair up my butt and decide to take all of the books off the bookcase and clean the whole damn thing...even wipe down every book as i put it back...i noticed what an odd assortment of books we have sitting right next to each other...little golden books (pokey little puppy was always my favorite)...gay guide to the usa...diary of anne franke...dante's inferno...winnie the pooh and the blustery day (props to phil)...a book about pirates...a gazillion of amy's notebooks with her poetry in them...another gazillion of her school books...and some dr suess thrown in for good measure...but one book stopped me dead in my tracks...'14,000 things to be happy about'...it's a list of 14,000 random things that make the author happy...i had given the book to my mom a few years before she died with handwritten instructions on the inside of the book to highlight the things that made her happy and to reread those things whenever she was feeling down...so there i sat with this damn book, reading and crying and laughing all at once...with the dogs crawling all over me because i was sad or maybe just because i was in there way...i was going to share some of the things that she had highlighted but i think i'll keep those for me...i miss my mom every day, but sometimes shit like this just slams right into me and i hate it...just another reason to hate cleaning the house...

just...

2009-03-20T19:26:00.001-04:00

blog...

just round one...

2009-03-19T22:00:00.003-04:00

this one will be short and sweet and to the point...just got home from the uk women's basketball win over chattanooga in overtime...what a great game...so it's tip off to overtime and a few of us are standing up...like i do for all tip offs...the jackass behind us says 'why don't you guys sit down until there's something to actually stand up for'...if you can't see around me, which most people can't, stand up or shut up...now big Rhonda needs her beauty sleep...

just the best day ever...

2009-03-18T18:56:00.003-04:00

i had a great time yesterday...thanks to everybody who came out and played with us...

just lucky i guess 33 1/3...

2009-03-17T13:46:00.002-04:00

just lucky i guess 2 1/2...

2009-03-17T11:36:00.003-04:00

enjoy this video from last year's festivities...

just lucky i guess...

2009-03-17T10:31:00.002-04:00

so apparently i've been pretty good this year...last night the leprechaun came and brought me this...

here comes breakfast to help wash down this beer...see ya soon...

just my babies...

2009-03-16T16:44:00.005-04:00

wanted to post a few pictures of my babies...i hope they make you smile like they make me smile...

and the crazy lady down the street just passed our house walking her goat on a leash...ahhh the country...

just my tattoo...

2009-03-15T11:50:00.003-04:00

so here it is in all it's glory...

i love it...it didn't hurt too bad...curled my toes up a couple of times but it wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be...i just wish amy would have gotten one too...like she was supposed to...

just gangsta...

2009-03-14T17:22:00.002-04:00

so i got my first tattoo today...i'll post pics once it's not swollen and red and gross...until then, enjoy this tattoo...

just another day at the office...

2009-03-13T13:30:00.003-04:00

uk and lsu game is on right now...this is how my wife is watching it...in her office...not at home, at work...while the rest of us are working...well, i was before i started blogging...managers have it so easy...

just a game...

2009-03-12T19:45:00.003-04:00

so let me start with a disclaimer...i'm not from kentucky...i wasn't raised watching uk men's basketball...sorry to the men's basketball fans, don't think less of me...so let's talk basketball...i don't care for men's basketball...i played basketball in highschool...i'm a huge fan of uk women's basketball...i'm a season ticket holder...i don't care for men's basketball...it's a totally different game...but since i wasn't raised in kentucky i don't bleed blue...i don't understand it...i was a military brat so i didn't live anywhere for more than 4 years and didn't ever develop a strong following for any sports team...but come on...i don't want them to lose but i just don't want to hear about it anymore...every conversation at work somehow turns into something that gillispie said or patterson did on the court...no, it's just a bottle of shampoo, it has nothing to do with basketball...don't get me wrong...i'm a uk fan...no matter what sport, i want them to be the best...not because i went to uk, because i didn't...but because for once in my life i have lived somewhere long enough to have a team to root for...but i hate that 2 years ago gillispie was the second coming of christ and now it's time for him to go....the other day our warehouse manager said that gillispie was an embarresment to uk becuase he didn't show the spirit that was uk...well the last game that amy made me watch, the uk fans were booing when we were down and let georgia score...does that really show the spirit of uk...i kinda think not...

and check out lollie's blog http://oohlollylollylolly-lolliepop.blogspot.com/

just a beer...

2009-03-11T16:56:00.003-04:00

obama had a beer...

so i'm back in the warehouse today and there's a call in show on talk radio about obama having a beer at an nba game...there's seems to be some sort of backlash for this...ok - i'm not a political person...i'm not even that smart sometimes when it comes to current events...but i love obama...of course, i think that corky from life goes on is a step up from the previous douchebag...sorry - mr douchebag...and we all know how i feel about beer...beer is my friend...so it makes me happy to see our president enjoying a cold one while watching a game...call me crazy, but i want a president who drinks occasionally in public, who has a poker game once a month, who makes his kids eat all of their dinner because there are starving children in china, who laughs at reruns of hogan's heroes on tvland...because that's what the rest of us do...

just st patty's day...

2009-03-10T17:06:00.003-04:00

so one week from now i will be 7 hours into the 3rd annual st patty's day at the pub with dad...what started out as a drunken conversation with pops 'hey, you know what we should do'...turned into 'you get the hotel room and i'll pick you up at 7:15 in the morning'...that's right 'AM'...my dad always taught me that if you are going to do something, do it right...so we spend ALL DAY at the pub...i know it sounds ridiculous, but spending a full day at a bar on st patty's day is actually alot of fun...there's the green beer...there's the great food...there's the guy who comes in at 9 in the morning, does a shot, chugs a beer and then heads off to work...there's the completely drunk guy who shows up with his girlfriend and devours a pizza like he's never seen food(sorry mr johnson)...there's the great conversations you get to have with complete strangers who just have to stop by and say hi because we look like we are having so much fun, and we are...there's all that time spent with your dad and hearing stories that you've never heard before...i could go on and on and on and on...just come out and see for yourself...you'll be able to find us, trust me...

just another monday night...

2009-03-09T20:24:00.001-04:00

my wife taught me along time ago that you don't email when you are drunk...along those same lines - you don't blog when you are drunk...

just wiiing along...

2009-03-08T18:06:00.003-04:00

so we got a wii...with the sports package and wii fit...you can play doubles tennis with the wii sports package...it's pretty fun...you can either play against the wii (which we have named wiizy) or against each other...right now i'm getting my ass kicked but i'm getting better...the wii fit part is pretty cool too...you stand on a pad and tell wiizy how tall and old you are...then she weighs you and tells you that you are fat...then you can do yoga or strength training or aerobics...they also have 'games' to help with your balance...one is where you stand in a soccer goal while kids kick soccer balls at you and you have to lean left or right to head the ball...but intertwined
with the balls are shoes that you have to dodge...why kids gotta throw shoes at a fat chick???